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Don’t you just wish you could throw money away like that?

In the spirit of the season, we’ve decided to help you.

It is also advisable to dedicate a full Instagram post to it so that the haters can be aware that you have finally arrived. If you are very wise, you will even start by deleting all those God-forsaken pictures of you and your hostel mates fooling yourselves in University.

Remember those days when you used your Instagram account to share your favourite moments - when every picture was a story of your experiences with the people you love. Every picture you upload now must have meaning; either you or another hustler just bought something new or you just went somewhere you thought you’d never go in your life.

They laugh while the rest of us consider what kind of life we’re living.

They oppress common folks at every chance they get.

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I’m considerably grown now, and nobody has time to massage anything.

As the hype man starts shouting your name, you take the first of the bottles and pop it on anybody in sight.

Yes, I know half of everything will spill all over the floor but nobody must know you’re not happy about it.

As a yahoo boy, your i Phone is your office, your personal assistant and your secretary.

It is your tool to talk to and chat with the unfortunate people you call your clients. Even if Samsung makes an Android phone that takes clear pictures from 16 kilometres away, please understand you’re not allowed to use another type of phone.

She looks at you with something like adoration and respect as she sways into the crowd.

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