So I humbled myself and took my grandmother out for dinner to hear why she thought courtship was a bad idea all those years ago.
She had predicted the failure of courtship back in the 90s and I wanted to understand how and why. After 20 years there still is no general consensus as to what courtship is.
It often had symbols like the girl wearing the guy’s letter jacket.
This telegraphed to everyone at school that she was “off the market” and that she had a “steady beau”.
“How can you tell who you want to marry if you aren’t going out on dates? I ignored their advice on relationships, preferring to listen to the young people around me who were passionate advocates of courtship.
Marriage will always be a bit like jumping into a pool of cold water.
A humble realization that you are not ready and in need of God’s help may be the more healthy way to start a marriage.
So if she went out for soda with Bob on Tuesday, she had to go to a movie with Bill on Thursday before she could go to the school dance with Bob on Saturday. The lack of exclusivity kept the interactions fun and casual. How could a boy have a claim to her time, heart or body if she was going out with someone else later that week?
She went on to explain that by the time she graduated from high school, she had gone out on dates with over 20 different guys.
Visits and comments poured in from all over the country about how to make courtship work and why it did not work. I’m talking the kind of couples who first kissed at their wedding were filing for divorce. The deal was that if we put up with the rules and awkwardness of courtship now we could avoid the pain of divorce later.