I’m saying that you can imagine leaving and, on a deeper level than the immediate breakup, you can imagine being 100% OK, whole and accepting that it’s over.
I want to make it clear that I’m not saying the situation is your fault or that you deserve what he’s doing or that the situation is somehow “fair” or “not a big deal.” What I’m saying is that you are not helpless…
Emotional responsibility is essentially what people are pointing to when they talk about things like “healthy boundaries” or “emotional maturity” or “healthy attachment strategies.” The core of all those positive relationship attributes requires that you have emotional responsibility, which simply acknowledges that you cannot take responsibility for another person’s emotions, actions, and reactions and you can’t hold them responsible for your emotions, actions, and reactions.
Again, to hammer the point home, I’m not saying you shouldn’t. To believe otherwise is a very destructive error (a very common error to the point of almost being considered “normal” to believe, but an error nonetheless).
it is simply about being clear: clear on what you will accept, clear on what you won’t accept, clear in your communication and clear about who is responsible for what.
You can become really clear on your boundaries very quickly.
Also, if you feel like you might be in a toxic relationship, I highly recommend that you take this toxic relationship quiz right now.